Sunday, October 01, 2006

We often refer to "things we didn't get to" on the show. We literally ran out of time. Here are the Things We Didn't Get To on Friday:

TAKING "I'M WITH STUPID" TO THE NEXT LEVEL . . . . . .

(http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/09/28/earlyshow/main2046897.shtml?source=RSSattr=U.S._2046897)

Some parents are becoming upset after discovering that their sweet, innocent little teenagers have taken to wearing t-shirts with sexually suggestive messages like, "Spank me, it's my birthday." While we would never condone wearing a shirt with an inappropriate message, we can think of worse slogans to wear on a t-shirt, like:

- "Two margaritas and this shirt comes off!"
- "Future Hooters waitress"
- "My boyfriend sent me this shirt from jail."
- "I got my looks and my credit cards from my Dad"
- "Property of The Hell's Angels"
- "Stick around. I'm desperate and you could be lucky"
- "Poster girl for juvenile detention"
- "My other car is the back of a Harley"

- - - - - - -

THE BEST OF AMISH BAND NAMES . . . . . . .

- Mordecai and the Butter-Churners
- Motley Barnraising
- Smashing Bonnets
- The Mighty Mighty Slow Buggies
- The Absolutely Non-Electric Light Orchestra
- Big Audio Mennonite
- Toad the Wet Bonnet
- Rage Against the Mennonites
- Barn-raisin' Daddies
- The Notorious "A" Mish
- Skankin Molasses
- Bare Naked Plowing
- Buttermilk Boys
- Boogy Woogy Buggies
- Shapeless Black Dresses

- - - - - -

THINGS A WOMAN CAN'T DO (THE SHORT LIST) . . . . .

- Know anything about a car except its color
- Go 24 hours without making a phone call
- Lift
- Throw
- Run
- Park
- Drive
- Read a map
- Sit still
- Tell a good joke
- Get told off without crying
- Walk right past a shoe shop
- Not comment on a stranger's clothes
- Like your friends
- Get to the point
- Take less than 20 minutes in the restroom
- Sit in a room for five minutes without saying "I'm cold"
- Go shopping without buying something on sale
- Assemble furniture
- Not try and change you
- Watch a war film
- Buy a purse and actually like it
- Choose a video quickly


THINGS A MAN CAN'T DO (THE COMPLETE LIST) .....

- Anything without a remote
- Anything without a beer
- Anything without standing around staring at it for an hour or two first

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