From Thursday's Show

SIGNS YOU NEED A NEW CAR . . . . . .

- The radio doesn't work but that's okay because you can hum along to the knocks coming from under the hood.
- All of the fuzz has worn off of the fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview.
- It had only 1 previous owner, but that owner was Henry Ford.
- It wasn't a convertible when you bought it.
- It uses more oil than gas.
- The VIN number is only 3 digits long.
- Tow trucks follow you everywhere you go.
- Homeless guys see it and give YOU change.
- You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.
- You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.
- You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.
- The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."
- Someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.
- Evel Kneivel refuses a free lift.
- Your mechanic calls you Dr. Kevorkian.
- You keep losing dates on left turns.
- While waiting at a stop light, people run up asking if anyone was hurt.
- Your gas gauge measures in cubits.
- The novelty of that hand crank is wearing off.
- Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.
- Instead of an airbag, there's a whoopee cushion taped to your steering wheel.
- You lose the stoplight challenge to a 14-year old on a moped.
- The 15-Minute Jiffy Lube takes 3 days.
- Replacement running boards just aren't made like they used to be.
- You're driving a Pinto